I am angry!
I am angry with this world, with myself, with Satan!
I am sick and tired of living this life day by day, hoping something will change. Living my life on autopilot until the Lord returns. What is up with that? I am ready for a change of my heart and mind. I am ready to be on fire for the Lord. Today is a new day. I refuse to look to the world for hope. I am done looking at people for change. The world changes and destroys. God changes me and restores. My life, the life God made for me, was not made for me to live it this way.

I HAVE A PURPOSE!

No matter what I do, God will have a plan for me. Drugs will kill me. Sex will make me sick. Money will keep me lonely. God will complete me. I don't need a boyfriend. I need a Father, a heavenly Father. I need Jesus. I want Jesus. I want life more abundantly.

Reason Season

I'd enjoy to assume
All the things that I do
Have a point or reason

The choices I make
The friends that I take
Are awful or delightfully pleasin'

Today is now the day
I get what I paid
For all that I have invested

My life my dreams
As big as they seem
Have certainly been tested

I look at my life
And I am rather surprised
At what it has come to be

The jobs which I work
The school in which I learn
Are not because of me

Though big in matter
I don't matter
I'm a speck in the concept of time

I have learn to serve
A God who deserves
This continuous praise of mine

If I look at myself
I see nothing and nothing else
Because I am nothing at all

So I look to His glory
I see a Son die for me
I see the All in All

So recently I did this choir launch at church. I did it three weeks in a row and sadly, there was little actual response to it. At first I was a little discouraged, but I find that it is okay. I know God will have His way, and that the people that I talked to are accountable for their actions. They are accountable because God granted me the opportunity to minister to them by promoting the Youth Choir. All I ask is that God hold that to them. God is good and gracious. I love Him with all my heart. And even if no one ever responds I know I was obedient to what you asked.

Hosanna

This is a song by Hillsong United.

When i first heard of them I didn't really like them, but because my church sings basically all their song they have grown on me.

There is a line in Hosanna that truly touches my heart everytime I hear it here it goes:

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you
Have loved me

Those lines are my personal prayer to God. Especially the last two. Man I would love to love people like God love me. So freely with liberty and no self satisfaction. Oh Lord, please show me how to love like you have loved me.

Amen

Why Christians Frustrate Me

I have a ton of Christian and nonChristian friends. I shall speak of the Christian ones. It is interesting because they are all different. Some are devout Christians who don't drink or party or smoke or anything. They are also the Christians that are hard to talk to and connect with. Then on the opposite end of the spectrum there are the Christian friends that drink, party, and do other acts that defiantly oppose some of the foundational aspects of the Bible. These people are approachable, but you cannot take them seriously since they say one thing, but do another.

I fall some where in the middle. I am conservative, but approachable.

What annoys me about the first end of the spectrum, is the fact that I feel like the happy go lucky Christians don't know what it is like to be me. I can't connect with them, because they are never willing to listen to me. If I mess up I feel like they will condemn me to hell and be done with it. Like they forget grace and mercy and trade it in for perfection and conformity to this prototype of the perfect Christian. It bothers me immensely, because I don't want the world to hear the word Christian and think of this.

Then the other end is the Sunday morning Christian who acts like Christ during the service, but gets caught doing sinful acts during the rest of the week. Now sin is sin. We ask forgiveness and God forgives. Then we don't do it again, but doing it over and over again defeats the purpose of forgiveness. They know nothing about God or the word of God apart from a couple verses and could probably name more alcoholic drinks than books of the Bible. I don't want the world to see this either.

Now, I know there are people thinking that the world should look at Christ. My objection to that is the world can't see Christ. So we are supposed to be His ambassadors. We are supposed to guide people towards him and let him do the rest. Sadly, we can't do this with a holy than though attitude or slumped from the sweet parties of last nights. So what are we to do?

Me? I'm a Christian, but I feel like on this spectrum I lean more on the side of the Sunday morning Christian. This is hard to admit, but God knows it is true. I know it is true. I just fail a lot. I try to be good, but recently I just feel like giving up and letting myself fall.

Sad. Ain't it.

Ultimately, my goal would to be strong in the faith, but approachable. Loving and kind, but not judgemental. Open to different people, but not different beliefs. Honestly, just more like Jesus. I mean Christian or non-Christian Jesus is a great role model. Loving, compassionate, self-sacrificing. I mean how can you hate that?

How patiently I wait for the day
When all knees will bow
and tongues will praise Your Name

I know the time is coming
Every second makes it near
The Heavens will open and all will hear

Hallelujah!
God is King!
You are Awesome!
The Ruler of Everything!

All shall pass away
Materials won't matter
Hearts filled with sorrow
Will now overflow with laughter

Children of God
Each from many nations
Will marvel at His splendor
His might and His creations

Hell will not prevail
Demons are defeated
Satan will fall
Because God is the Lord
The Master of them all

We shall ascend to the sky
Arrive at the pearly gates
In the Lambs book of Life
There will be our names

We enter in and cross the many mansions,
The streets of gold and see all the saints
Then we would stop
Because we just saw His face

I Can Only Imagine starts playing
And I begin to sing
Cause now that I am here
I don't have to imagine anything

I feel joy peace love
and All that is within Christ
Because though my body is gone
I have a wonderful life.

Falling on My Face, Forgiveness in His Grace

I fallen once more
I tripped up myself
I've now hit the floor
I have nothing else left

I try to get up
But stagger back down
Even in my sin
I ask, "Lord can you hold me now"

I'm always falling on my face
Staggering to the ground
Screaming oh my Lord
Please just hold me now

You never fail to find me
Even when I am in a far and lonely place
There is peace within your presence
And forgiveness in your grace

Running to You hard
Longing to know you again
I gained this wretched world
And lost my Greatest Friend

I'll give it up for you
I'll leave it all alone
I'll drop all of my sin
Because Father you know

I'm always falling on my face
Staggering to the ground
Screaming oh my Lord
Please just hold me now

You never fail to find me
Even when I am in a far and lonely place
There is peace within your presence
And forgiveness in your grace

I'm always falling on my face
Staggering to the ground
Screaming oh my Lord
Please just hold me now

You never fail to find me
Even when I am in a far and lonely place
There is peace within your presence
And forgiveness in your grace

I ask for you
I seek after you
I knock you come through
And find me

I ask for you
I seek after you
I knock you come through
And find me

I ask for you
I seek after you
I knock you come through
And find me

Recently in ENGL 1102 I watched Religulous. I was aware of the point of the documentary, but I have never been so appalled, by one man's disconcern for the feelings of others. Now I am not condemning Bill Maher because it is not my place, but as I watched the movie I could not help, but be offended. The movie is supposed to be an objective look at the various religions of the world and answer the different questions all men have at once pondered. Sadly, the movie became a two hour roast of Christianity with a some side comments touching on Scientology, Islam, and Judaism.

Now I knew Bill Maher was going to be totally rude and not listen to reason, but my concern lays more with the Christians he interviewed. I know I am no better than anyone. I am not even saying I on my own can count myself as righteous: "This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Romans 3:22-24. Luckily I know that I have so much to learn about Christ. My one and only hope nowadays is to know about God more and more. I know that the end days are upon us and I know that they are more Bill Mahers in the world who are going to do anything they can to shake my faith all I can do is pray God and know Him even more.

So this is my plea to any Christian who reads this blog. Don't get caught in denomination. Do NOT try and put your own spin on the Word of God. Read the Bible and if you have any questions ask God and if you get frusterated know, "Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." James 1: 4-6

Let God lead you and you will never be led astray.

One More Lesson from Jesus

So I am really learning to take everything to the Lord in prayer